Philip Seymour Hoffman

Addiction is a serious and fatal illness.   Another victim of this horrible disease was claimed this week.   I feel a real sense of loss and sadness, more than the usual amount upon hearing of the passing of a celebrity.   His acting touched me in very personal ways.  I think becuase he exposed a very vulnerable part of himself when he acted, and had the ability to see inside a character and bring out facets of the personality that we sense are there.    I have this thought that I only wish I had known he needed help, I only wish I had known that he was in distress.   Why didn't someone try to stop him?   Why didn't someone intervene?   I know it is said that if a person doesn't want help, then you can't help them.   I think we use this as an excuse not to try.   There are ways to try and extend a hand to people in distress.  There are ways to reach out and hold up a mirror to someone so they can see what is happening in their lives.   He had reasons to live.  He had reasons to continue to explore hiss potential and to be a father to his children.   

Lately, I have wondered if there were times I should have intervented in a situation, rather than walk away and say, "Let God take care of this."  Now that I am not working in a professional capacity, I find I have more energy and interest in the lives of the people around me.    As I continue in this life of not having to work at a job, I am slowly discovering more of who I am.  I am relaxing and taking things at an entirely different pace.   I am thinking more about others, and not so focused on what I have to do next in order to continue to work on a daily basis.    I reflect on how I was functioning and how I was managing my affairs.  I had no idea how much of my whole world was arranged in order to be able to continue at work.  I am amazed at how much of my "self" was lost in order to continue to work.    I don't think I am any different than most people who work hard in a fairly stressful and demanding job.    It is the price of stress.   I can understand how someone would want to find something to help them escape.   I am grateful for me that it wasn't drugs or alcohol that provided that cushion for me.